Tinder Loving Care – A Female’s Perspective

26 Sep

tinder crazy

I’ve done my research, gone on a few Tinder dates, met some pretty normal people, but have decided I’m over it and have since deleted this app. So -here are my parting words about the ever-popular Tinder application:

 

First, let’s clear up what Tinder is not:

1. A legit dating site/application – For the most part, you’re matching someone based on whether you might like to get naked with that person, or at least make out and dry hump. You can say it’s because you have a whopping seven interests in common (including “sleeping” and maybe one obscure band you both enjoy) – but the reality is that you probably didn’t even scroll through all of their pictures or even check your common interests before you right swiped.


getweird

2. A real social networking site – Sure you can instant message your matches, see what common interests you’ve both listed on your Facebook profile, and view a couple of the photos they’ve chosen to represent themselves (and never trust a profile with only one picture), but that’s pretty much the extent of “social networking” on Tinder.

Now, what Tinder really is:

1. A shallow and pretty superficial hook-up app – You probably aren’t going to find “the one” on Tinder, but you might get a good lay out of it. Although, for the record, I haven’t slept with anyone I’ve met from Tinder.

hookup

2. If you are a female, a Tinder meet-up is a pretty good bet for free drinks – and probably dinner if you play your cards right.

3. A sure-fire way to cure a case of boredom. That repetitive swiping motion gets kind of addictive after a while.

4. A way to meet some attractive people around your age that live in your city.

 

 

The Rules of Tinder:

1. If you are 40+, get the fuck off Tinder. Please?

2. DO NOT post every picture as a selfie-duck-face-bathroom-mirror-pic. Nobody thinks that shit is cute after high school.

selfie

3. Don’t drink and Tinder… or should you only drink and Tinder?

4. Don’t trust the chest-up pictures. They are hiding something. And not only are they hiding something, they are insecure about it too. If you’re 100 pounds overweight or have an amputated right foot – own it, don’t crop it.

5. Whoever you’re going out with, don’t forget – they’re chatting, meeting, and probably hooking up with lots of other people – maybe even some you know. Don’t get butt hurt if it doesn’t work out or they don’t like you. There are plenty of other (Tinder) fish in the sea.

kstewreally

 

 

Those awkward Tinder moments… and how to deal with them:

1. When you come across the profile of an ex, an ex’s best friend, a best friend’s ex, a best friend’s current boyfriend or girlfriend, or the most fun – YOUR current boyfriend or girlfriend (and probably soon to be ex).

  • Just swipe left and keep your mouth shut. I know the urge to right-swipe seems irresistible, even if just out of curiosity if they suck enough to match you, but just don’t do it. Nothing good is going to come of it. Unless you enjoy stupid drama.

tyrano

UNLESS

  • It’s YOUR girlfriend or boyfriend. Right Swipe. And screenshot that shit first. Gotcha, Bitch! That’s going to make for an interesting (and probably last) dinner conversation later.

kiddingme

2. The match with someone you knew from high school that you right-swiped because you know who they are and are curious if they remember you – and then they don’t.

  • Right swipe if you want, but don’t get upset if they don’t match you or if they do and don’t remember you. Maybe you have a better memory than most… Or maybe you just weren’t as popular as you thought you were in high school.

office

— Either way – it’s been 10 years since high school, nobody cares.

3. When you and your best friend match the same guy. Especially when you and your bestie are in each other’s profile pictures?

  • Block him. Both of you.

mickybye

OR

  • If he’s a chiseled god with great hair, has a boat, and a couple pictures with his dog… Rock, paper, scissors or flip a coin.

4. If you’re in your 20s, and the city you live in is also your hometown, like it is for me – prepare for lots of the above mentioned awkward Tinder moments.

 

 

So, what’s the Tinder Takeaway? It’s a great app if you’re single, or newly single, bored, want some attention, want to go out for dinner and/or drinks, and maybe have some casual sex.

But, as my best friend and I sat around on the couch talking about life the other day, we came to the conclusion that if you just put your fucking phone down for 5 minutes – you’d be surprised at the people you meet in real life, the beauty of the world around you, and the things you get done that you wouldn’t while your face is glued to the screen of your stupid fucking smartphone.

phonegif

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